Introverts and extroverts can learn from each other – Arthur C. Brooks

A year before the pandemic changed our lives, a friend of mine sent me a link to a survey based on academic research that evaluates our personality traits on a numerical scale. My friend was particularly anxious to know my extroversion score to verify the accuracy of the test. He got 15 percent and offered me to participate because I’m the most outgoing person I know. He was right: I got 96 percent.

“You’re lucky”, he commented, “extroverted people are happier”. Broadly speaking, that’s true. Decades of studies have shown that extroverts have a significantly wider margin of happiness than introverts, have generally higher levels of well-being and more frequent moments of joy.

On the other hand, covid-19 was a kind of well-deserved punishment for us extroverts. Research published in the scientific journal Plos One examined the effects of the pandemic on people with different character traits: the data showed that the mood of extroverts has generally worsened, while things have been much better for those with a closed character. As another friend of mine said, jokingly but only partially, “why don’t we stay locked up in the house forever?”.

Dogs and cats
In a normal situation, introverted Americans are like cats forced to live in dog land: never comfortable, looked down on, definitely like fish out of water. A side effect of putting the world in lockdown was to turn it into the land of cats, at least for a while. This situation has allowed shy and introverts to get the better of us, for once, and be perfectly at ease in solitude. To this, I reply with a: “Bau!”.

This temporary change has also created a new field of experimental investigation for social science, highlighting all the various ways in which introverts and extroverts can learn from each other. If we all treasure this lesson, we can benefit greatly from it.

Psychologists count extroversion among the five great personality factors, along with agreeableness, open-mindedness, conscientiousness, and neuroticism. The five great factors theory has been a foundation of psychology since its creation in the 1980s, but the dualism between introversion and extroversion had already been exposed in 1921 by the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, who postulated that the two groups have different goals in life. According to the psychiatrist, introverts aim for autonomy and independence, while extroverts seek union with others. These stereotypes have endured to the present day.

German-born psychologist Hans Eysenck in the 1960s had further developed this theory, arguing that our genetic traits influence our introversion or extroversion. According to Eysenck, the autonomic activation (arousal) – that is, the level of brain activity and reactivity – occurs more difficultly in extroverts than in introverts; therefore the former look for stimuli in the company of other people, possibly always new ones. Subsequent research has shown inconsistent results with respect to the psychologist’s theories, but clearly demonstrated specific differences between the two groups.

Social animals
A possible explanation for the difference in the happiness gradient between the introverts and the extroverts group follows the logic of Jung and Eysenck’s theories and stereotypes: human beings are by their very nature social animals, which is why contact with others generates happiness. Extroverts seek contact, so they are happier. The fact that introverts prefer solitude and often have problems on the social side does not at all mean that avoiding contact with others makes them happier. It simply means that they prefer something that makes them unhappy and this should not surprise us: you can prefer junk food to healthy food.

There are also complementary explanations for the difference in levels of happiness that have a cultural matrix. To begin with, being extroverted is held in high regard in US society and usually comes with a decent advantage in terms of large earning potential – on average, extroverted people earn $ 12,000 more a year than introverts. Extroverts also have an edge in the business world when it comes to obtaining promotions, prestige and leadership positions, and excellent performance ratings.

Some dislike these schemes, believing that they are evidence of a lack of cultural depth. In his book Quiet. The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking, Susan Cain lists the various advances introverts have for authors – from gravity theory to Google – and argues that rewarding being extroverted is not only unfair, it hinders progress. If you have also happened to feel shocked by the American habit of praising and raising selfish yet charismatic leaders to power, you must admit that Cain’s theory has its strengths.

Whether we are introverted or extroverted, we don’t have to regret our stay in the land of cats or fear the return to the land of dogs. Instead, each of the groups can teach the other a lesson that can increase the well-being of all of us.

In 2001, a group of Oxford scholars divided the subjects who had agreed to participate in a survey into four groups: happy extroverts, unhappy extroverts, happy introverts, unhappy introverts. As expected, the number of happy extroverts was far greater than that of happy introverts, in a two-to-one ratio. However, the researchers focused on the factors behind the high welfare gradient of the rare happy introverts.

Scholars have identified the same characteristics in both groups of people satisfied with their lives: optimism, the feeling of having a purpose in life, self-esteem. Extroverted people, of course, love to tell others about the future, their dreams, and their purpose in life. As amply demonstrated by psychologists, we tend to act consistently with what we have told others we want to do; therefore, the habit of extroverts of talking about their goals to anyone they meet makes them more inclined to achieve them and therefore to be happy.

The happy introverts, on the other hand, managed to create a perspective of their future by avoiding all that (very annoying for them) sharing their plans with crowds of people. They also tend to establish very close and selective personal relationships and to share their dreams with those few friends with their times and ways.

Intimate friendships are not only precious for sharing one’s dreams, they are capable of generating happiness in a clear and direct way. In particular, creating a close relationship with a person from whom you have nothing to gain is a source of great satisfaction. Of course, doing it is not easy, especially for people with an outgoing disposition who are attracted by crowds, by the public, by ever new and exciting acquaintances.

The pandemic-generated lull in the pace of life has left society’s dogs in a state of social life abstinence, which explains the current reversal in happiness rankings. But this also offers an opportunity to nurture more close friendships as introverted people do. While this may not be a natural propensity – research data shows that open people tend to make many superficial friendships with other outgoing people – it is much more suitable if you are looking for happiness. Extroverted people should set a goal, for the next few weeks and months, to deepen a bond of friendship before returning to normal.

If they have no idea how to do this, they should simply take an example of how an introverted person maintains a close relationship. Socially speaking, I am a dog but my eighteen year old daughter is a cat. She and her best friend-cat talk to each other every day, an hour or two, updating each other on their goals and plans for the future. Find the happy cats closest to you and do like them.

Beyond the specific characteristics of being introverted or extroverted, there is an important lesson to be grasped in all of this: observing the people around us and learning from them is an excellent way to understand how to be happier. The love for the differences of all kinds between human beings, from cultural to political ones passing through those of character, is in fact fundamental in the path towards true well-being.

None of us have the exclusive knowledge of best practices, and surrounding ourselves with people identical to us will not favor the emergence of new ideas that enhance our inner well-being or make us more satisfied with our lives. For the happiest version of this world we need cats and dogs together.

(Translation by Maria Chiara Benini)